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I don't know what made me think I could convince Howard to accept my taking a lover. But even so, I never expected him to simply shut me down. There was no compromise in his tone. It was delivered with such force that it caught me completely by surprise.I am unused to failure. I haven't experienced it very often and this came as a shock. I thought I was so well prepared. I was sure Howard would see that this was important to me and that he wouldn't deny me my need. He's never denied me anything I really wanted before. Why did he react so dramatically this time?I had to rethink my situation. I love Howard. I know I do. But I need some excitement in my life. I'm nearly fifty and I need this. I need someone to help me feel alive and desirable. God knows, Howard is a wonderful lover. He fills me so completely and he is so thoughtful with me. I couldn't ask for a more considerate husband. But ... I need more.I've really made a mess of this. I've alerted him to my intention. I've stupidly. She wasn't heavy, not even chubby, but just soft. She was sitting on her side, with her legs pulled under her. Her bare skin was tanned, and I became hypnotized by the smoothness of the back of her thighs. I stared at her legs as they disappeared into her shorts. The rounded ass looking so perfect as she sat there. I looked upward at her bare arms and shoulders, I'm such a shoulder person and hers were perfectly curved. The soft fine blondish hairs on her arms looked sooo sexy against her tan skin. I noted how much lighter those fine hairs were against the light brown hair on her head.I just stared, for what seemed like forever until she looked over from the movie, catching me. I tried to be casual, and smiled wide at her, and turned back to the movie. Then I started to feel guilty for thinking the things I was about my cousin. I just couldn't help it though; maybe it was because it had been a while since I'd been with a girl. Jon knew that I had been bisexual in college, but he.
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